Tag Archives: Family

It really does happen..

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I have always seen the pictures. I thought they were fake. I thought no way would kids really write things like this on accident. Surely, they jest. Some adult is just trying to be funny. That is until I seen one with my very own eyes-written by the cutest kid ever (duh they are family).

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I do believe someone had their b’s and d’s confused. 🙂

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Husband how I heart thee..

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First I want to say Happy Holidays everyone! Are you as ready as I am for them to be over? Ha ha. I kid I kid…sort of..

Anywho, my parents went way overboard this year and gave us a most awesome present.

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It starts..


You know, honestly, I’ve seen toys that had more parts than this in way smaller boxes.

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Midway through...

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Ta da! Welcome to awesome!

Believe it or not it just took him an hour or so. He’s so good with this stuff. If it had been me doing it there would be legs coming from the top and it would bent from my frustration ha ha.

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I guess we can retire ole blacky now.

Thank you parental units! I can’t wait to grill a steak!

Chainsaws and hot mommas..

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For my dad’s Christmas all he wanted was a new chainsaw. He was so cute dropping hints and things around the house. The biggest hint being written on a sheet of paper (in all caps) with name, order number, and where she can buy it (subtle daddy).
She orders the chainsaw and I go with her to pick it up. She comes out carrying this huge orange case and a hat.
Mom: This must be a nice chainsaw.
Me: it must be if they give you a free hat. It was free right?
Mom: Yes but that’s not why. They handed it to me and before I could get out of the door I had about four men stop and ask me, “is that a present?” “Wow, tell me this is a Christmas gift!” “You are an awesome wife” etc.
I laughed and laughed because either it really is that impressive or my mom was looking especially hot carrying a 40 pound chainsaw through that store. I’m sure it was the hotness because I seen my dad making some googly eyes at her tonight when he received his present (don’t gripe he works Christmas so we have to work around schedules).

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By the way dad I know a son-in-law who could use a sad old chainsaw!

My kiddo…

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My eldest son is the sweetest kid ever and I’m not one of those parents who brag and tell you how awesome my kids are (one of my favorite things about my youngest is how big of an ass he can be. Just like his daddy ha).
So, I am hoping one day he will be a heart breaker. There is only one reason for this. I am so scared for his heart being broken. He is only 8 so I have a little time but I’m already dreading it. Do you know what he told me he wanted for Christmas? A family day. On the way home from a parade today he told me, “thank you mom for one of the best days ever”. Crap, broken little heart pieces everywhere.
I do still have a glimmer of hope. I asked him what he would think if one day he had a little sister and he replied, “to replace, Shooter, (his little brother) yes!”. But if he does get his heart broken I guess I will deal with it or turn to his ass of a brother. 🙂

Thanksgiving + One Bathroom equals

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trouble. Thanksgiving a time when my family gets together at my mom’s house and we eat a lot of food. Yummy food BUT there is one thing that is not so yummy about my mom’s house..

ONE BATHROOM for a lot of people. You never really think of it as a big deal until maybe something hits you (perhaps gravy, cheesecake, or a combination of both) and you need to go and it isn’t just YOUR family there that grew up with you and grew up sharing that ONE BATHROOM IN A TWO STORY HOUSE. There really is nothing you can do but suck it up, lock the door, hope you don’t have stage fright, and get out of there (hopefully one of the kids doesn’t run by and start gagging or pass out).

If this situation has ever happened to you then I have a wonderful new product that my very awesome friend Tara gave me for my birthday.

Spray the lou before No. 2 and no one will ever have a clue

Yes, it is very much a real product and no I didn’t make up the nifty little poem if you can’t read it on the bottle. You spray the water 4-6 times and it makes a lemon fresh scent and anything that goes through the water then the smell is locked in by the film you sprayed. Anything that doesn’t hit the water, well, that’s what fabreeze is for! They can’t solve everything in one little bottle. …..yet.

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Thanks my friend Tara. You are a genius and I love you girl. And you No. 2 spray..thank you for making holidays smoother for a lot of worried poopers out in the world that have been lucky enough to discover you. Now, if they just had a spray that formed a bubble around anyone using it and it silenced anything in the bubble maybe more worried poopers could tackle public restrooms.

Ahhhh….I panic…I’m that person..

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Have you ever noticed in a crisis that dumb ass that runs around like their hair is on fire, screaming, and knocking small children down? That would be me. I’m horrible and I’m squemish to boot. I can NOT see blood. If my kids are bleeding I send them to my dad who is an RN. Of course his method of thinking is if you don’t actually have a bone hanging out of your skin then you are fine. I credit him for us being so tough but there was nothing he could do about my squemish stomach.
I had to tell you that before I told my story or you would think I am just a horrible person (I really am a horrible person).
So, my nephew (we’ll call him Mohawk) came over this past weekend to my moms house. We are outside and I’m loading my car and I hear this noise it didn’t really register at first then I hear my son telling my mom, “HE’S CRYING. HE’S REALLY CRYING”. I walk around her jeep and he turns and looks at me and I would like to say I jumped into action with alcohol (the rubbing kind, not the kind I really wanted) and helped my nephew. Ooooo noooo dumb ass panic person kicks in. Mohawk is standing there, crying, his face pouring blood down into his hand. I scream. Not just any scream “OHHHH MYY GOOOOOODDDD. WHAT HAPPENED! AHHH” (I know. I said I was awful. It took all I had not to pull my hair and run in circles). My moms face was horrified. She just looked at me and mouthed the words, “what the hell is wrong with you?”.
Poor Mohawk started crying even harder and looks at my mom and asks, “is my eye gone”. I had scared him so bad the kid thought his eyeball was laying on the ground somewhere. I feel awful at this point (as well I should) but I can’t look at him because I’m ready to faint and I say, “It just shocked me Mohawk. I’m not used to seeing you cry. I promise you still have an eyeball.”
Thankfully, my dad came home from work and saved the day. Mohawk had jumped on a limb and it popped him on the eyelid cutting it open (just for those that are wondering what happened). It’s funny because my oldest son was trying to help Mohawk (they are best friends) and he kept getting sick because apparently squemish bellies are an inherited trait. You’re welcome son.

My Mom….

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You would have to know her and if you DID know her you would absolutely love her. She is a blast in a glass (as so eloquently put on JS). She has never been blonde but sometimes I wonder….

One day she was at Wal-Mart and they had all this KY heating lube on sale. Well, she has a light bulb moment and buys all of this close out lube because in her head she thinks it will be incredible on her feet. When that didn’t work out she tried to give them as Christmas presents. Imagine how weird it would have been getting an opened bottle of lube from your mother. Have no fear we stopped her for my brothers sake.

So, your lesson for the day is KY heating lube only heats with friction and not the kind your socks give you.