Category Archives: Family

How I get my husband to leave me alone…

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As I have stated before my husband is like a third child. Sometimes he gets bored and he annoys me. Years ago I could use the, “I’m cramping” excuse to get him to leave but he caught on to that pretty quick. I mean how many days out of the month can a woman have issues. So, I discovered a new trick I would like to share.
Wait for it..wait for it…I threaten to mismatch his socks.
Problem solved.

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Brothers…

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My kiddos have a lot of things in common but they are still their own person. My fave difference that I discovered today…

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He was really impressed how flexible his brother is so he tried and tried to do the same. We couldn’t quit laughing. Some people are just not made to bend but you could never question the determination!

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Believe it or not he got his bendiness from me. 🙂

Husband how I heart thee..

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First I want to say Happy Holidays everyone! Are you as ready as I am for them to be over? Ha ha. I kid I kid…sort of..

Anywho, my parents went way overboard this year and gave us a most awesome present.

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It starts..


You know, honestly, I’ve seen toys that had more parts than this in way smaller boxes.

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Midway through...

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Ta da! Welcome to awesome!

Believe it or not it just took him an hour or so. He’s so good with this stuff. If it had been me doing it there would be legs coming from the top and it would bent from my frustration ha ha.

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I guess we can retire ole blacky now.

Thank you parental units! I can’t wait to grill a steak!

Chainsaws and hot mommas..

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For my dad’s Christmas all he wanted was a new chainsaw. He was so cute dropping hints and things around the house. The biggest hint being written on a sheet of paper (in all caps) with name, order number, and where she can buy it (subtle daddy).
She orders the chainsaw and I go with her to pick it up. She comes out carrying this huge orange case and a hat.
Mom: This must be a nice chainsaw.
Me: it must be if they give you a free hat. It was free right?
Mom: Yes but that’s not why. They handed it to me and before I could get out of the door I had about four men stop and ask me, “is that a present?” “Wow, tell me this is a Christmas gift!” “You are an awesome wife” etc.
I laughed and laughed because either it really is that impressive or my mom was looking especially hot carrying a 40 pound chainsaw through that store. I’m sure it was the hotness because I seen my dad making some googly eyes at her tonight when he received his present (don’t gripe he works Christmas so we have to work around schedules).

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By the way dad I know a son-in-law who could use a sad old chainsaw!

Kids say the darndest things…

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Riding to my nephews Christmas program we passed over a bridge that always has construction and usually a stop light. My youngest son said, “look mom they are finished with the destruction!”. I thought about correcting him but why bother. With as much money as Oklahoma puts into our roads he probably wasn’t far off at all (we are the ones that painted highway lines over roadkill after all).

My kiddo…

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My eldest son is the sweetest kid ever and I’m not one of those parents who brag and tell you how awesome my kids are (one of my favorite things about my youngest is how big of an ass he can be. Just like his daddy ha).
So, I am hoping one day he will be a heart breaker. There is only one reason for this. I am so scared for his heart being broken. He is only 8 so I have a little time but I’m already dreading it. Do you know what he told me he wanted for Christmas? A family day. On the way home from a parade today he told me, “thank you mom for one of the best days ever”. Crap, broken little heart pieces everywhere.
I do still have a glimmer of hope. I asked him what he would think if one day he had a little sister and he replied, “to replace, Shooter, (his little brother) yes!”. But if he does get his heart broken I guess I will deal with it or turn to his ass of a brother. 🙂

Late Shoppers…

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My mom and I did the whole Black Friday shopping as usual but it was last-minute. Last year we got up at 3 a.m. and along with my friend Brookie made the trek and stood in line at Kohl’s for 2 hours. The only thing awesome about it was all the friends we made in line. The woman in front of us started out with like 50 items and by the time we got to the check out I think she bought a bracelet. She wasn’t hardcore enough for my taste. I’m not standing in line for 2 hours for a stinking bracelet. Everything was raped by the time we got to the other stores so this year we decided we weren’t going (well, our bank accounts decided we probably shouldn’t go).

Around noon my mom looked at me and I looked at her and we were off. Throwing my kids out of the car at their nannies house. It was pretty late to go shopping but we were bored. We did have one special moment walking around K-Mart. My mom and I were arguing over the cutest item I wanted my niece to have (I was having a 29-year-old tantrum because I had already gotten her gift) and there was a lady standing behind us looking haggard like she had been a good Black Fridayer and had gotten up at the butt ass crack of dawn and really was not in the mood for my mother and I’s antics. We were laughing and arguing all over the place. At some point my mom grabs a bag and hits me over the head with it. I turn and look a the cranky lady behind me and I thought she was going to take my mother and I both out. We just giggled and went on our merry way with no caboodle for my niece.

We did find adult feetie pajamas so the whole day wasn’t a total bust. 🙂