How to know when you’ve been smeared…


When you say it though you have to say it more like “Schmear”. It makes it more authentic. I will give you an early warning this blog is going to say vagina. See, vagina, vagina, vagina (thank you Varsity Blues and that’s pretty much the last time I say it but it just feels so rebellious). The schools should say it more also but that is a subject for another day.

My dog Trixie (my mom has started calling her Trashy) has a habit of laying the back of her body flat in turn schmearing everything with her va jay jay (thank you Oprah Winfrey). She crawls off the couch like this, the bed, around the carpet, it does not matter. The dog has no shame. So, a few days ago I’m minding my own business cleaning and doing my rat killing (thank you cliché) and Skidmark (the cat read about Skidmark HERE) is being a nuisance. He is attacking the walls, the carpet, my feet, you name it and he is on it. He starts attacking Trashy and she usually just ignores him and goes on about her schmearing. Not this day though, no, she was exhausted from a play date at Nanna’s house and she was tired of Skidmark’s tactics. She was putting an end to it. Skidmark is underneath her giving it all he’s got (oh, you know what is coming) and Trashy lays those back legs flat and schmears right over the cats face (I swear she smiled when she did it). His face was smashed to the carpet with a terrified, “What the hell” is going on look. And I was just lucky enough to see that magical moment when Skidmark finally got his.

Trashy schmearing the carpet and Skidmark exhausted after being schmeared.

8 responses »

  1. OMG that’s freaking HILARIOUS! I love the Varsity Blues reference and I totally agree that schools should talk about vaginas! I think it’s way more entertaining to say the correct terminology than slang for body parts especially genitals!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s