10 lessons my roughneck husband has taught me

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1. Even if you have to pay a million dollars at some mom and pop grocery store are you under no circumstances ever to buy “John Wayne” toilet paper. Your hand should never be more absorbent than your toilet paper. Don’t be cheap. Get the good stuff.

2. The fuss really shouldn’t be all about Chuck Norris. It should really be about Burt Reynolds.

3. You have not lived until you have watched Porkys, Blues Brothers, and Cool Hand Luke.

4. Sometimes when you come home you are still in work mode and every other word will continue to be a cuss word until your ass is in your recliner.

5. When you drive your vehicle you pay taxes for both sides of the road so feel free to gawk and use both sides (even if it does cause your wife to pee just a little) and for no reason are you to keep it in between your side of the mayonnaise and the mustard (not even for your wife’s blood curdling screams) you pay taxes on both sides damnit.

6. The words tea bag, mushroom stamp, dutch oven, and crop duster have a whole new meaning in my life now.

7. My 5 year old can name any truck he sees on the road and when having to ride in my car he cries because “cars are stupid”.

8. If people will pay you to do something stupid and you will do it because they are the suckers and that Caterpillar had it coming (I’ll leave out what happened when he ate the neon bug).

9. You can wrap a piece of foil around a cats stomach and it instantly falls to the ground. If you don’t believe me watch this (don’t worry it’s my video) http://youtu.be/IFmd-WM6RF0 RIP Furball (the foiling isn’t why the cat is gone just had to throw that in there).

10. Macgyver has nothing on my husband as long as husband has a little bit of duct tape, cable ties, or bailing wire (rednecks really are quite inventive).

These are just 10 of the many things he has taught me. We have a lot of fun in our relationship and I couldn’t ask for a better husband. Well, I could but that would just be wrong. Just kidding husband! 😉 I love you.

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12 responses »

  1. #7 killed me! And made me feel very sad for your kiddo.

    Heh, I’m the one who taught my husband the phrase “mushroom stamp”.

    And I just crawled your Youtube and cracked up at the cat naming!

    • Porkys is a good show. Just don’t watch it with any children around and keep in mind the time era it was made in. 🙂

      Cats and foil….well, I don’t know how someone figured this out but you can take a piece of foil and wrap it around their belly. It can be so loose it’s barely there and it drives them crazy. They just fall over. I don’t know why. Maybe I should google it lol.

  2. Thanks for the visit to my site and the opportunity to giggle reading this tonite. It sounds like you have a lot of fun and funnies in your life. I can’t wait to repeat some of these lines to my man.

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