So, story of my life is doing the shopping; groceries, clothes, cleaner, you name it and I am the shopper. It doesn’t bother me but what does bother me is how horrible I am at it. Wal-Mart is my whiskey. I know it’s bad and I know to stay away from it but how can I possibly when there is a store that carries everything I need in one place. I can get my husbands soap and the weeks groceries all in one wondrous place. And afterwards I feel awful and have no memories of what happened. My shopping remorse/hangover hits harder than my alcohol fueled hangover I had this morning.
They pull you in with the promise of “low prices” but anyone who has been there knows that this is just a farce to get you through the doors. Can you guess my favorite aisle? The check out stand because they have so much eye catching crap for me to goggle at and convince myself that I need. Who doesn’t need that beef jerky with the weird cheese that never goes bad or miniature flash lights that I would never actually be able to find in the bottom of my HUGE purse (that I got on sale at Old Navy even though I have 30 other purses).
Actual shopping list:
Tampons (Yes, T-A-M-P-O-N-S)
Fruit (Fresh the only way I swing)
Veggies (also fresh)
Receipt after shopping trip:
(I’m still fighting my urge to splurge at this point. I am determined to stick to my list)
(I’m feeling a little hungry. I knew I should have ate before I got here)
100 Calorie Packs (I feel at this point I can be saved by this)
(You should really eat before you ever go to Wal-Mart)
Another movie (One you’ve never heard of and will watch 1 time)
Candle (Even though you 500 you never burn it was such a good deal)
Paint Rollers (you’ll get around to painting one day might as well be ready for when the mood hits)
Batteries (You can just never have enough)
Bday card (not to mention the 30 other cards you found humorous, never mind they are at least $5 each now)
Kool Aid (because anything that is 5 packets for a $1 is a steal. Am I right or am I right?!)
Ketchup (it’s a sin to my kids to EVER run out)
Any and everything on sale ESPECIALLY if it’s a $1 or under!
(I had to skip the fruits and veggies because by this time I’m on overload and we can’t afford them any more)
Gossip Magazine + another gossip magazine (never mind they have the same pictures and I don’t actually read them. I honestly just look at the pictures)
I think you see where I am going with this. Pretty much the list ends up using the registers roll of cash register paper and I end up with no tampons and having to buy them at a quick stop for $10 dollars a box on some brand named something like “Cardboard but Comfortable. Made by a man who knows how a vagina should feel”.
Stupid Wal-Mart…I wish I could boycott you.
Well, I have to quit writing now. I have to run to get a few things at Wal-Mart before it gets late.